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Monthly Archives: June 2015

Being Productive!…

Last night Luke was out with his friends so I used the free time I had to watch Harry Potter (yay) and work on some of the lists I’d set myself.

I did a massive amount of googling and collated a list of EVERYTHING that the top searches recommend taking into hospital with you. Then I narrowed it down to the things I think I’ll need (most of the stuff actually…there wasn’t much narrowing), so now all I need to do is break it down into several smaller bags (one for the birth/one in case I need to stay in hospital/one for the baby/one for Luke/one for food)…

…then I need to figure out what I already have (not much) and what we need to buy (most of it).

Once I’d done that I googled what you need for a baby for the first few months and, predictably, collated those lists into one big one, then narrowed it down to suit us (e.g…we’re not getting a pram or a baby bath, and I’m going to breastfeed exclusively so bottles, teats and sterilisers won’t be needed at first).

I left that one at that. I was feeling pretty motivated, but not quite motivated enough to start going through all the stuff we’ve already aquired for our little.

Then – inspired by the things we need, a desire to be more ecological, and wanting to get away from the lists – I started hunting around for advice and information on reusable baby wipes…and then I went shopping for cheap face cloths and cute cotton flannel fabric (more about that in another post)…

I also researched sleeping bags vs. sheets/blankets, picked out some nursing bras for sleeping in (and to wear during labour), and decided to use reusable breast pads rather than  disposable ones.

I did all that AND at some point during the evening I found time to clean the kitchen…

…and I had KFC for dinner…

…it was a good night!

At the end of it (I could have carried on but Luke wanted the light out) I put the laptop away, lay back on the bed, and felt a little bottom poking out the side of my belly. All of a sudden I realised how scrunched up I had been while sitting at the computer and felt VERY worried indeed. I always put the laptop up on a box so I’m not having to bend over it, but that doesn’t necessarily stop me from sitting in a rubbish position. Could I have squished the baby?!…

I panicked.

I tried to relax and wait for him to wriggle or kick. I think I relaxed for about 10 seconds before grabbing my phone and asking google if it was possible to squash my unborn child by sitting wonky.

The answer is no…but I still had to visit several websites and forums before I’d believe it.

And then he rolled over and kicked me in the rib.

Nice.

 
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Posted by on June 30, 2015 in Life, Lists, Plans, Pregnancy

 

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A List…of Lists…

Today marks the start of week 30 of my pregnancy. I’ve got 7-12 weeks of pregnancy left (that’s hoping that our little doesn’t decide to put in an early appearance), which is loads (LOADS) of time to plan and organise.

Yeah right

I should have started already, but I haven’t, so this is a list of lists I need to write (and then put into action)…

  • baby stuff we need for the early days
    • (sub list) baby stuff we already have
    • (sub list) baby stuff we still need to get
  • things I want to MAKE before his arrival
    • (sub list) crafting supplies I need
  • things I need to DO before his arrival
  • what to put in my hospital bag (and baby’s…and Luke’s)
    • (sub list) all the stuff we need to get for the hospital bag(s)
  • labour music playlist

…and then there’s all the things I need to find out more about (like do we use sheets or a sleeping bag? what washing liquid should we get? what’s the best fabric for making baby wipes? how do I use a sewing machine?)…

…and all that is just the THEORY of us getting organised…

*panic*

At least I’m realising this now and not in 5 or 6 week’s time. I shall report back accordingly.

 
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Posted by on June 28, 2015 in Lists, Pregnancy

 

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Yoga Over Dose…

So, I already told you that I (some) of this yoga video yesterday…

…and that it (with it’s emphasis on squatting) gave me bambi legs…

Well, yesterday was also my regular day for my antenatal yoga class and, even though I felt wrecked from the squats and the heat and my largeness, I sucked it up and went along anyway. Hardcore.

Luckily we weren’t doing too much hard work last night, but we did do some squatting and so today I am feeling raaather sore around the thighs.

These are some of the things that I have struggled to do this morning:-

  • walking up the stairs
  • walking down the stairs
  • sitting down on the toilet
  • getting back up off the toilet
  • squatting down to pick things up off the floor
  • getting back up off the floor again

…mostly anything that requires me to use my legs really.

 
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Posted by on June 24, 2015 in Life, Lists, Pregnancy

 

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The Results Are In!…

I had to call the hospital this morning to check if my 28 week full blood count has been done (it hasn’t…so I get the joys of ANOTHER needle today. Hoo-bloody-rah) and the midwife had told me to ask for the results of my Glucose Tolerance Test while I was at it.

My fasting blood sugar was 4.6 and my level 2 hours after the glucose was 5.9, so both were actually quite low compared to the table in my advice leaflet…

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Considering that I have a family history of diabetes (Dad and maternal grandfather) AND that I have a BMI of over 30 at the moment (I think it’s about 31) this is a great result. I’m really pleased as it means that I am still eligible to use a birth centre (*fingers crossed* I stay within the other requirements too) and that I have one less thing threatening the health of our little one.

Hooray! Let’s celebrate with some cake!

 
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Posted by on June 24, 2015 in Life, Pregnancy

 

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Stretching Out…

So after giving into my self-pity and posting my last blog entry (in which I bewailed my weight gain), I woke up yesterday morning with the beginnings of the dreaded pregnancy affliction…

…STRETCH MARKS…

Waaaaaaaaaahhh!!!!!

I’ve already got a megatonne of them (now all silvery and faded) from rapid weight gain/loss during my teenage years. They’re mostly the long tiger-stripe kind and they live on my hips, tummy, upper arms, thighs, the backs of my knees…everywhere. I’ve grown so used to having them that I don’t even think about them anymore. I know they’re there but I don’t mind them at all, even though some are as thick as my index finger).

These new marks are tiny little dotty type affairs that sit either side of my belly button and will (eventually) give my tummy the look of an over-stretched deflated balloon. Joy of joys.

I’ve been moisturising like mad since the start of my pregnancy (Palmer’s Cocoa Butter for stretch marks) so I felt a bit powerless yesterday when Luke pointed them out to me…what else could I do?! And then he reminded me of the oil he’d bought me MONTHS ago (that I’d since failed to use)…

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It’s called JUST4MUMS, it smells wonderfully of baby powder, and it is incredibly rich feeling on your skin. I applied it after getting out of the bath (with cocoa butter on top for luck) and then again before bed.

When I went to put more on this morning I noticed that it has ALREADY faded my new marks. I am totally gobsmacked.

It’s bloody brilliant! I can’t recommend it enough. I plan to swim in the stuff twice daily…

In other stretchy-type news, I have also discovered a great set of prenatal yoga videos on YouTube. Since my moan the other day I have decided to do *most* of this video every morning…

I can’t do all of it because some of the moves aggravate my Pelvic Girdle Pain, and I can’t always do the full amount of reps because I’m overweight and weaker than I was (very depressing considering I’m an ex-rollergirl who prided herself on the strength of her thighs) but I’m confident that I’ll get stronger (better, faster) with each day that I do it.

I’m feeling a lot more motivated and energised.

Well, mentally anyway…physically (after all those squats) I feel a bit like bambi taking his first steps…

 
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Posted by on June 23, 2015 in Life, Pregnancy, Reviews

 

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Weighty Issues…

Before I begin…this is quite a personal post, and quite a hard one for me to write. I’m doing it anyway because, a) it might exorcise some demons, and b) it might help someone else who’s feeling the same way as I am now and could do with knowing that they’re not alone. I feel quite alone in feeling this way at the moment.

Here goes…

I have always always struggled with my weight and I’ve had issues with food since I was 15. To cut a long story short, I’ve been big (over a size 20) and I’ve been little (size 6) – I’ve been bullied and mocked for being fat, and complimented and praised for being skinny. Consequently, I associate being overweight with feeling worthless and unlikeable.

(note: This issue is about my OWN self image…I do not think that overweight people are worthless and unlikeable. On the contrary, I see beauty and worth in everyone…just not in myself)

So…onto the point…

When I fell pregnant I was 10 stone 2 lbs and about a size 10, a weight and size that I maintained up until about week eight when I suddenly had to eat ALL THE CARBS to stave off feelings of nausea and misery. Five weeks later (and one stone heavier) my nausea subsided and my SPD began…I carried on eating terribly (cake, cake and more cake) and suddenly I was in too much pain to keep up with the amount of physical activity that I was used to. I knew what I was doing to myself (what I am still doing to myself on occasion), but I just couldn’t stop over-eating. I think it’s a bit of a shame spiral – I feel bad so I eat, and then I feel worse so I eat some more…and on and on and on…

…other people helped to make it ok by saying “You’re eating for two!” (even when I know that’s a ridiculous untruth), or “If ever there’s a time to eat what you want, it’s now!” (no, no it isn’t…this is the time when I should be looking after myself, not giving in to myself and my gluttony)…

Aside from that though, even when I’ve been “good” and eaten healthily (and not excessively) I have STILL gained at the same rate. It’s disheartening and has made me think that I should just eat whatever the hell I want as it won’t make any difference anyway.

Now I’m 29 weeks pregnant (tomorrow) and I’m tipping the scales at 13 stone 8 lbs.

I’m HUGE.

My thighs rub together now, and when I look in the mirror I see joints of ham where my arms used to be. My bump is beautiful and I love it for the most part (even though it is BIG for 29 weeks), but I do not love the fatty “double bump” that hangs from the bottom of it. I have chins, plural.

Luke is very supportive. He tells me that I’m beautiful and that I’m not fat, I’m pregnant…but I am quick to point out that I am not pregnant in my legs or my arse. I can handle the bumpiness of pregnancy, it’s just the excess weight that I can’t deal with, and looking in the mirror often sets me off on a self-depreciating rant…but his words and his affection always make me feel better.

Other people, however, are a completely different story…People who know when I’m due vary their reaction to my size between “Are you sure you’ve got your dates right?” and the ever hilarious “…have they checked to see if it’s twins?”, and until I left work I was constantly having this conversation with well-meaning people:

WMP     “How long have you got left?”

Me:        “Two and a half months.”

WMP     “REALLY?!” *visibly staggering back, presumably so they can see all of me at once…or perhaps avoid being crushed by my belly*

When you’re pregnant you are suddenly public property, and it’s amazing how free and easy people are with their comments on your size.

If I’m honest, other people’s opinions (well-meaning or not) have been the main catalyst for me feeling this way. It’s not their fault at all…I’m sure most pregnant women can handle these comments in a much more well-balanced way. If I was just large with child I’d probably still get annoyed sometimes…but because I have issues, and because I feel like I’m so grossly over-weight, I take everything to heart in the most extreme way possible. Now I’m at home (and not in the public eye so much) I don’t get a daily update on what other people think about my pregnant body, but I’ve replaced their voices with my own.

I just can’t help bullying myself over it.

According to all the books and a pregnancy weight calculator I should have put on about 35lbs by the END of my pregnancy. I know that every woman and every pregnancy is different, but I have surpassed that by a good 13lbs (lets just call it a stone shall we?) and I feel just awful about that. This is NOT the way I envisioned my pregnancy…

…I thought I’d stay active, be healthy and have a neat little bump that grew (slowly) with the growth of my unborn child. I did not expect to feel like a great hulking troll who can’t walk up the stairs without getting out of breath and who grows steadily larger with each mouthful of cake. I’m trying to make light of it here, but I’ve sobbed for hours over the way I look and feel – I’m beating myself up over this on a daily basis and my self-confidence has taken a massive nose-dive. I’m embarrassed to even meet up with friends that I haven’t seen in a while for fear that they’ll think I’m disgusting for letting myself get this big this quickly. When I do see them I often feel the need to draw attention to my weight-gain straight away, just to get in there before they do.

Thankfully, I seem to have stopped gaining weight now, and over the last week I have actually seemed to be losing a pound or so every few days. It makes me feel a little better about myself, but I think it’s mostly because I physically can’t fit as much food in me anymore. See, even when I get a handle on myself and start seeing a positive change I still put it down to an external (or internal, in this case) force rather than my own efforts.

…and I am making an effort. I’m doing more (gentle) exercise, and I’m watching what I eat more. I don’t think I can (or should) lose a stone in the next 11 weeks, but if nothing else I can try to keep myself from piling on even more weight. I am hoping that after our boy is born and my SPD (hopefully) relents, breast feeding and exercise will bring me back to a size and shape that I am happy with.

At the moment I am, more often than not, very sad about how I have let myself go…but then our baby hiccups or moves a foot or a hand, and I suddenly don’t really care very much about how I look or feel…at least for a while. All I can hope is that once he is here in the world I will be so in awe of him that I can completely put aside how much my own self-image affects me.

 
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Posted by on June 21, 2015 in Life, Pregnancy

 

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Achievement Unlocked: Glucose Tolerance Test…

So, I did it and it’s done, and it was fine. Nothing to worry about at all.

The 12-hour fast was very difficult as I kept wanting things (like tea and bananas) and I had to keep reminding myself that I couldn’t have them…I also started doubting myself and wondering if I’d accidentally had a glass of milk or a biscuit. Madness.

I made sure I drank plenty of water to a) distract myself from feeling hungry, and b) make sure my veins were pumped up for the blood tests. It was really hard to leave the house without having a cup of tea, which I’m sure was more down to habit than anything else, but I managed it and didn’t die from a lack of caffeine (we can survive without it apparently!…I did not know that).

I usually get Luke to come with me for appointments as he’s incredibly good at distracting me and making me feel better, but I couldn’t ask him to sit (bored) in a waiting room with me for two hours. Consequently I was a bit nervous to go into the the first blood test alone (I’m only a 33 year old married woman afterall), but it was fine….and then it was time for the glucose drink. I’d done a bit of reading online and seen some women complaining that the drink tasted horrible and made them feel sick, so I was a little apprehensive about it.

I didn’t need to be…

It tasted like over-squashed tropical flavour squash – sweet and fruity – and was bliss after my 12 hour water diet. I really enjoyed it!…and then I went off to sit in the waiting room for two hours *yawn*

I filled the time by chatting with another pregnant lady who was having the same test, sending texts (when I had signal) and reading Effective Birth Preparation (Maggie Howell) on my phone’s Kindle App….

EBP

…I managed to get through a quarter of it while I waited…I’ll review it once I’m done reading it.

My little one was pretty active during my time in the waiting room too. I think he was wondering where his breakfast was and kicking the bejesus out of me in order to get it…

After about 90 minutes I was thoroughly fed up and had begun to feel a little bit sick through hunger, but I didn’t have long to wait until it was all over. It was just a shame that the end of the two hours was marked with another needle…

The second blood test (in the same arm…in the same vein actually) was definitely more painful than the first, but I laughed with the nurse and said that it probably didn’t sting as much as the baby crowning would. Once we were all done she said I was free to go home and that I’d find out the test results at my next midwife appointment (which is in a fortnight).

It was only after the second blood test that I began to feel decidedly awful, so I took myself off to the Friends Cafe in the hospital and treated myself to this before my drive home…

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…a maple and pecan plait (my absolute favourite at the moment) and a pot of tea. Lots of people recommend avoiding carbs and sugars, and having protein to counteract the glucose but my reckoning was that by this point I shouldn’t still be “all sugared up” (not if I’m not suffering from gestational diabetes anyway) so I went for something carby and delicious.

It worked. I felt great.

And then I came home to this…

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…coffee (in my fangirl mug) and a sausage sandwich, courtesy of the BEST husband that ever there was.

Now all that’s left to do is wait for the results…and maybe have a little nap…

 
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Posted by on June 19, 2015 in Life, Pregnancy

 

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